I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
