ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
