Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
