Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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