I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
