im drinking this country out of the recession.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
