i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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