i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
