So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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