thus making me awesome and them whores
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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