Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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