I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
