I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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