I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
