I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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