Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
