you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
