The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
