I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
