is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
