I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
