If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
