Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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