This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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