I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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