So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
