I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
