gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone shattered a urinal.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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