brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
