college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
