Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
