I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
