I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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