party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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