there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
