I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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