Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
