You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
