dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
