You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
