I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
