words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
