I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
