Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
