STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
