oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
