so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
