Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
