He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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