I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
