wanna go halves on a baby?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
