I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
