right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
