i will never coherently bang her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
