I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
